In our friendships, we forgive and forget all the time, but when it comes to our exes is it good or bad to give second chances?
I’m someone who has gotten back together with exes more times than I care to admit. As an inherently nostalgic person, I tend to remember the good, totally forget the bad, and it’s not until I’m back in the relationship again that I think: oh yeah, I remember why this didn’t work out.
I think this is because I’ve been fortunate enough to never have had a really bad relationship. I’ve just had relationships that didn’t work because of lifestyle differences, or because the timing was off, or because it just didn’t feel 100% right. Lots of people obviously break up because the relationships they’re in become quite toxic. I’m sure these people have some form of “selective relationship amnesia” too.
The romantic in me loves the idea of second chances! Plus, giving second chances makes sense. People fall out of love all the time because they change and grow apart. It seems just as logical they could also change and grow in a way that makes them better together.
If enough time has passed, and the person seems to have changed his or her stripes, I don’t think the idea of giving it another go is a bad one.
That being said, I think it’s so important to ask this one question beforehand: why do you want to?
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Is it because you actually truly believe your ex might be the love of your life? Or does it have to do with something else?
I’m someone who discusses relationships with people all the time and I’ve noticed something the last couple of years related to reconnecting with exes. It seems the temptation to get back together for many stems more from not trusting that there is someone better out there than from a true curiosity that an ex might actually be The One. It’s fear of the unknown.
This also seems to be a reason people stay in relationships with people they aren’t crazy about for far too long. And many even walk down the aisle.
Everyone has different needs in relationships, of course. And safety and security are way up there for most of us.
But the romantic in me continues to hope for everyone to find a real connection. Or whatever it is that he or she is truly looking for. And that might be with an ex. It might also be with someone you’ve never met before.
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